The Difference Between Coping, Soothing, and Regulating (And Why It Matters)
Most of us were never taught how to work with our nervous system — we were taught how to manage stress, avoid it, or push through it.
So it makes sense that when we feel overwhelmed, anxious, shut down, or emotionally overloaded, we instinctively grab whatever helps us “get through the moment”:
🌀 scrolling
🌀 snacking
🌀 staying busy
🌀 shutting down
🌀 pouring a drink
🌀 overthinking
🌀 venting or distracting
Those strategies aren’t “bad.” In fact, they’re often protective.
But there’s a big difference between coping, soothing, and regulating — and understanding the difference is the first step toward real nervous system healing.
1. Coping
Goal: Get temporary relief or escape from discomfort
Usually looks like: distraction, numbing, avoiding, suppressing
Coping behaviors help us survive a stressful moment — but they don’t help the body process the stress that caused the feeling in the first place.
Examples of coping tools:
✅ Binge-watching
✅ Emotional eating or drinking
✅ Overworking or staying busy
✅ Distraction scrolling
✅ Shutting down / withdrawing
✅ “Just push through it” mindset
Coping keeps you functioning, but it doesn’t create internal change. It’s not wrong — it’s just incomplete.
2. Soothing
Goal: Add comfort, softness, or safety to the moment
Usually looks like: self-care, grounding, calming
Soothing reduces emotional intensity, helps the body feel more settled, and often brings temporary peace.
Examples of soothing tools:
✅ A warm bath
✅ Weighted blanket
✅ Calming music
✅ Lighting a candle
✅ Gentle yoga or stretching
✅ Touch, pets, cozy environment
These things are valuable — they help the nervous system feel safe, but they usually don’t complete the stress cycle or shift the underlying state.
Soothing = comfort
Coping = escape
And now we get to the third layer…
3. Regulating
Goal: Help the nervous system process and resolve the stress response
Usually looks like: movement, breathwork, somatic release, vagal support, emotional integration
Regulation means helping the body go from:
- fight/flight → calm
- freeze/shutdown → presence
- chaos → steadiness
- overwhelm → clarity
Examples of regulating tools:
✅ Long-exhale breathwork (regulating, not activating)
✅ Somatic shaking or movement to discharge tension
✅ Grounding + orienting (getting present in the room)
✅ Vagus nerve stimulation (humming, vocalizing, cold splash)
✅ Emotional naming (“I notice sadness in my chest”)
✅ Co-regulation with another person (eye contact, safe voice tone)
Regulation completes the stress cycle, instead of storing it.
That’s the key difference.
Why This Matters
If you’re coping, you're surviving.
If you’re soothing, you're comforting.
If you're regulating, you're healing and rewiring.
Most people spend years stuck in cycles of coping and soothing — not because they’re “doing it wrong,” but because they were never taught how to regulate.
Coping keeps stress inside the body.
Soothing softens it.
Regulation moves it through.
The Nervous System Reality Most People Don’t Realize
You cannot mindset, journal, or motivate your way out of a dysregulated nervous system — not because you’re weak, but because regulation is a physiological process, not a mental one.
The body needs to complete stress, not talk itself out of stress.
Once the body feels regulated, then the mind becomes available for clarity, motivation, and calm thinking.
A Helpful Self-Check
Ask yourself:
✨ “Am I coping, soothing, or regulating right now?”
✨ “What does my nervous system actually need in this moment?”
Just that awareness begins to shift everything.